Here's a little ditty 'bout Jacques and LuAnn
Countess LuAnn alleges that she and Jacques — who declined to join the reunion — are still together, and continues to claim nothing happened with Tomas, protesting that she only brought him inside to show him the house. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Her lies to Jacques about the incident caused problems in their relationship when the episode aired, but prompted the Quote of the Episode from Carole: "Isn't that a reason not to bring home the pirate? That you want to be respectful to your children?"
It is established that Sonja had unusual intercourse with Tomas herself, and that Sonja and Ramona are not lesbians.
Toastergate remains mostly unresolved; Heather is still mad about Sonja's presumptuousness, while Sonja is still obsessed with Heather not "getting the sexy J that I wanted." Sonja has brought along the kind of cards you'd see in a pitch meeting on "Mad Men," which makes Heather even angrier. Sonja concludes that "I think professionally that she doesn't want to work with me anymore." Excellent insight, Grasshopper.
Sonja is also struggling with the death of her dog in March. Andy gives this sad event the monotone treatment: "I know that's hard to talk about thanks."
Andy isn't afraid to tell Ramona that her lipstick is "so f---ed up."
Aviva apologizes for saying that Ramona should go to rehab, but reveals that her mother was an alcoholic and died from complications of the disease. As a result, Aviva is "extremely sensitive to partying." Evidently, this is an issue going back a reunion show or two, and Ramona is tired of getting picked at by Andy about the booze, saying she drinks "as much as LuAnn" but she can hold it. Towards the end of the reunion, LuAnn just gets up to leave, not because she's angry but because she thinks they've finished filming, which does make one wonder.
Yes, Carole dated George Clooney when they were both single; she even gave him pages of her book to read. Nobody else present seems to believe any of this.
When Aviva explains her runaway-bride situation: she and her groom-to-be realized just before their fancy Jamaican wedding that they weren't compatible. (She carefully explains that it's Jamaica the island, because obviously the audience would assume she meant Jamaica, Queens?) Ramona makes sure to snit that she heard Aviva didn't want to sign a pre-nup, and Aviva snits back that that's not why, and anyway, pre-nups take weeks or months to do. Sonja says authoritatively that actually, you can get a pre-nup set up the same day.
Okay, Ramona, now you're done. Get out of that skin-tight leather before you break a rib, and we'll see you next season.
Ramona lays into Andy about questioning her alcohol consumption, right here:
- Andy Cohen