Television Without Pity

‘Big Brother’: The Best & Worst Moments of Season 13

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The houseguests truly had a cow this season (Cliff Lipson/CBS)

The houseguests truly had a cow this season (Cliff Lipson/CBS)

We've spent much of this "Big Brother" season marveling at the fact that Adam could just loaf around and still get to the finals, and that the annoyingly voiced Rachel was not only back but also somehow not the first person voted out of the house. We also spent a great deal of time grumbling about the Newbies' inability to band together to take down the strong veterans, the entire duos twist, and how the vets were generally getting more screen time. But among all these gripes, there were a few moments in particular that really stood out -- for good or for bad.

Worst: Evel Dick Left Early
We weren't thrilled about the veterans, but we were slightly looking forward to Dick torturing a whole host of new people while his daughter whined about it all summer long. Instead, because of some mysterious "emergency," he was removed from the house after only a few days, throwing a wrench into the whole partner twist and making the show just less fun in general.

Worst: Who Wants to See My HoH Room?
No one ever wants to see anyone else's HoH room. Ever. Can we please ban people from asking? Particularly if that person is Rachel and the room is filled with pictures of her and Brendon being "cute"?

Worst: Cow-Milking Game
The games on "Big Brother" are fairly ridiculous in general, but this one really took the cake. Contestants were divided into teams, with some tasked with wearing giant foam suits and others assigned to milk them. This required the milker to lie down on top of the foam person and jump on them, with Keith in particular taking pleasure in humping people.

[Video: Watch Highlights from the 'Big Brother' Feed]

Best: Brendon Gets Evicted
Daniele turned on her alliance, which might have been a good plan if she'd had a stronger fallback team to work with. But still, she managed to get Brendon, a big threat, out of the house. So good for Dick's little girl.

Best: Brendon Gets Evicted... Again
Daniele got HoH again after Brendon was brought back into the house and took the opportunity to backdoor him and boot him out. Again.

Best: Daniele Gets Evicted
Daniele's attempts at gameplay were somewhat admirable, as opposed to Kalia and Porsche, who did nothing most of the summer. But still, it was awesome to see her go, because another Donato winning is almost as unnecessary as Jordan winning again.

[Photos: Take a Tour of This Season's 'Big Brother' House]

Worst: Lawon Is a Moron
The houseguests were given vague information about how the evicted contestant would have a chance to come back into the house. Lawon, in his mind, decided that this meant that if he got evicted, he'd come back with some special power. So he campaigned to be evicted, then found himself facing off in a competition against Brendon and getting the boot... for good. No special powers to be had.

Worst: Shelly Turns on Jeff
Shelly had a way of spinning lies, but the problem was that she forgot whom to lie to and when. She also misjudged how soon she should make a big game move, which was her ultimate downfall. Her big move? To side with Kalia in getting Jeff out of the house, instead of sticking with Jorff and making it to the final three. And she ticked everyone off and had an insufferable screaming match with Jordan that we really could have lived without.

Worst: Rachel Hugging Stuffed Brendon
During an HoH competition, the remaining contestants were given stuffed dummies of their original partners that they had to hang on to while suspended several feet off the ground. Adam didn't feel the love for Dominic and dropped out quickly, but Rachel was able to wrap her legs around her Brendon doll (while cracking jokes about how she could hang on to Brendon forever) and win the competition. Anything that involves more of Rachel and Brendon is a very bad thing indeed.

Best/Worst: Porsche's Pandora's Box
Porsche played right into the producers' hands by opening up Pandora's Box for a measly five grand. She enabled their plot to keep Rachel around for a bit longer by reviving the dreaded duo twist. We'd complain, except that Rachel (while exceedingly annoying) was probably the most deserving of the cash this season.

[Related: Ten Ways to Fix 'Big Brother']

Worst: Rachel's Pandora's Box
They must be bored in the "Big Brother" house, because why else would people continue to cave and open Pandora's Box? Rachel, who is arguably somewhat intelligent, opened hers because she saw Tori Spelling and clothes, and she knew Tori would make "90210" superfan Adam really happy. But she got stuck with Jessie (a horror we can't stand) while Adam got to gush over Tori and generally gross us out.

Best: Jordan's Dreaded Unitard
When Jordan took the unitard punishment so that Shelly could have her phone call from home, we felt somewhat bad, but the peppy blonde looked so cute in her little beanie with a propeller on it and pigtails. She totally rocked out the awful look as only she can.

Worst: Adam's Elf Suit
We can't say that Adam rocked his punishment suit in the same way that Jordan did. He had the privilege of wearing an elf costume for a week, but instead of looking cute and like he belonged at the North Pole, he looked terrifying and scared small children as a giant crass elf. Christmas may not be the same for some kids this year.

Best: Jordan Is a Stealth Genius
During a competition for the quickly forgotten show "Same Name," Jordan quickly picked up on the fact that the answer they were looking for was David Hasselhoff -- and she got it from opera goggles and a bar of soap. Most people were thinking soap operas, but she went quickly to Bay soap and watching, and asked Jeff who played Mitch on "Baywatch." He scoffed as she made her guess, but she had totally figured it out before everyone else. And here we were thinking she wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the shed.

The season finale of "Big Brother" airs Wednesday, 9/14 at 9:30pm ET on CBS.

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