Arrr, matey: "Hart of Dixie" has taken "cutesy" to a whole new level (Greg Gayne/The CW)
Big sporting event in Bluebell? Turtle racing. And a turtle race that is fixed so snobby Southern women don't get all twisted up. Between that and the gumbo contest (which is almost just a shoo-in for Brick to win), there are far too many contrived "events" in this town designed to placate blowhards. And this one puts the poor turtles in the middle.
The pilot was ripe with bizarre images, like a fancy doctor walking in Louboutins on a dirt road, encountering an alligator (what is with this town and its animals?) and struggling to deal with the shambles of her life and the realization that her crush of five minutes was engaged. But the highlight was when she made out with Wade in the front seat (move to the back -- everyone knows that!) and ended up playing "Dixie" on his car horn with her well-toned ass.
Trying to endear herself to the residents of Bluebell, Zoe reluctantly agreed to be part of Mayor Lavon Hayes's parade float, on which she wore a football jersey and insanely short shorts. Some might say this was a costume, but the barely butt-covering garments are a staple of her wardrobe. Perhaps if she didn't dress like a sorority girl and instead tried to look like a real doctor, she might have an easier time getting the set-in-their-ways residents to take her seriously. Also, crashing a float on purpose (even if it was to protect her patient) didn't really help matters.
The Woman in the Mirror
Zoe channeled her inner Katherine Heigl to get ready to proposition Wade during a heat wave. To do this, she stood in front of her mirror and tried on a variety of hats in order to look sexy. For a woman who normally goes around scantily clad, this shouldn't have been a problem. Also, Wade had made it pretty clear that he was interested in her. This scene was not only out of character, but just one giant rom-com cliché. It was the scarf on the head that really did this in.
What's a Diorama?
The mayor had a few extra dollars that he can dole out for an important project in town, so Lemon set out to convince him the money should go towards rebuilding an old bridge that was destroyed during Hurricane Katrina, in order to win favor with the historical society. This was actually a solid plan, but her entire presentation involved a replica of the bridge covered in candy that she planned to bring to Lavon. Is she in fifth grade?
'Talk Like a Pirate' Day
Leave it to Josh Schwartz to invent a holiday, but to be clear, Planksgiving is no Chrismukkah. The people of the town dress up as pirates on Thanksgiving and have a fish fry to celebrate the "pirates" that came and left them money when the town was in dire straits. Yes, really. And don't make fun of it or try and convince them to eat turkey like the rest of the country, because they are super-protective of their insane ways.
Zoe tried to "help" Lavon, aka the mayor, aka the man who lets her live in his house, aka one of her only friends, by planning a party. But instead of the crab dip he expected, she called in her friend from New York. Lavon's casual homecoming get-together turned into a molecular gastronomy nightmare filled with very modern stylings and awkwardly behaving town members. Zoe's lived there a while now, so she should really know better. Also, we're still wondering where the friend got a molecular gastronomist on such short notice, since the nearest town is Mobile, quite a drive away.
Forgive Me, Father
Zoe wandered around town on a Sunday confused by the lack of people and ended up barging into a church. We understand the fish-out-of-water thing, but it's like she doesn't even know how to act like a human being. Also, she told the minister's wife that her husband was cheating on her and that's why he had syphilis... before she bothered actually checking facts or getting the whole story. Good going on making friends there, idiot.
Brick vs. Zoe
During the Planksgiving holiday, Zoe was trying to fly home to New York to spend the holiday with her mother, but had to meet her quota of patients in order to keep her share of the practice. But the whole system is arbitrary, as they keep stealing patients from each other and people tell her that they are loyal to Brick... even though some of them must have gone to her father, Harley. Though given that she's like House and nearly kills people before she cures them because she's an unfeeling robot (or so the show would like us to believe), we can't say we blame them entirely. And half the time, Brick is on vacation, leaving the town doctor-free, so you'd think he'd be grateful to have a partner.
"Hart of Dixie" airs Mondays at 9pm ET on The CW.
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