Heidi finally makes the list!
Porsche ("Big Brother")
She took the producers' bait by opening Pandora's box and unleashing the lame duo twist again, which was basically the show's scheme to keep the veterans around. It worked, since we're still stuck with Rachel (who is at least trying to win this game), and it pushed Shelly right out the door. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Porsche.
Lindsay ("Toddlers & Tiaras")
We've seen a lot of things on this show -- flippers, glitzy makeup, etc. -- but we'd never before seen a 4-year-old wearing fake boobs. That really took the cake, but Lindsay was just as proud as she could be of little Maddy, who donned the baby C-cups (as well as a padded booty) and strutted her stuff onstage as Dolly Parton. We're still shuddering.
See little Maddy in action dressed up as Dolly Parton:
Heidi ("Famous Food")
It's amazing that she's gone all season without landing on the list, but the ditzy blonde really earned her spot this week for barely showing up, going on the (soon-to-be-canceled) George Lopez talk show, and neglecting to promote the restaurant where she was working, not to mention forgetting that restaurants need to make money by filling tables and serving paying customers.
[Photos: Meet the "Famous Food" Cast]
Orlando ("Top Chef: Just Desserts")
We know that chefs can be cocky, but usually that's after they've proved themselves. Orlando thinks he's so amazing and so far superior, it seems to physically pain him to work with the other, "lesser" chefs on the show. It also pains him when the judges don't like what he serves them, so instead of taking their constructive criticism, he spouts off about how they are wrong for not liking a particular flavor combination.
Juicy Joe ("Real Housewives of New Jersey")
Sending threatening text messages to your brother-in-law is one thing; letting your daughter practice gymnastics on a marble floor while you get sloppy drunk in front of friends and family is another. Also, he made some sort of unintelligible -- but presumably awful -- comment about why he's stuck with Teresa and took no responsibility at all for his horrible actions at the christening.
Heidi not only hogged a table for herself and her security guards while real customers waited, invited annoying wannabe famewhores to the soft opening, and constantly helped herself to the "Heidi" cocktails at the bar, but, we also learned, she also can't even use Twitter herself. She has to have a "tech guy" tweet for her! When you're functionally illiterate, 140 characters must seem like 140 million.
More from Television Without Pity:
- Fall TV Preview: The New Shows
- Fall TV Preview: Daily Viewing Guide
- 'Jersey Shore': Signs You May Be Addicted
- Dolly Parton