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'Ghost Shark' Takes a Bite Out of Twitter — and Twitter Bites Back

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Dave Randolph-Mayhem Davis as Blaise and Sloane Coe as Cicely in Ghost Shark.

"Sharknado" was a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon that had everyone from actress Mia Farrow to Newark, N.J., Mayor Cory Booker tweeting on Twitter. Such was not the case for Syfy's follow-up "Ghost Shark." Still, despite what the movie theaters will tell you, there are some movies that are best consumed as tweets.

 

Of course, "Fat guy" would die a few minutes later, but yes, for one brief shining moment, America embraced its body image issues through the medium of a Syfy original film.

[Related: Richard Moll on 'Ghost Shark': 'An Emotional Roller Coaster' Filled With... Snakes]

Sharp-eyed viewers noticed small errors in the film that took them out of the movie:

There were scenes that were almost criminal not to have been included:

Maybe in the director's cut.

The lies referred to here are about a bunch of people who died in a cave and came back to haunt the living. The town covered it up, because apparently the concept of tourism hadn't been invented yet.

Against all odds, the movie manages to be inspirational for some. Well, one:

Of course you can look at that and say, "Well, that's one person out of 300 million." However, if you phrase it as "Roughly half of people who where either Zack or Cody in 'The Suite Life of Zack & Cody' were inspired by this film," it starts to sound impressive.

There was a lot of "Ben Affleck as Batman" hate mixed in with the "Ghost Shark" tweets:

There are two things to remember: 1) The Internet said the same thing about Heath Ledger before "The Dark Knight" and look how that turned out, and 2) You will make Ben Affleck cry and Ghost Shark can manifest tears. Probably. What, are you gonna prove us wrong?

Ghost Shark isn't Santa Claus, Kelly — he can't be everywhere all at once. He will come for you, eventually.

Finally, a list of high-risk behaviors that put you in danger of death by sharks that are ghosts. If you engage in any of these behaviors, please, for your own safety, seek the help of a professional.

  • Fishing on a boat.
  • Hiding in the boat's toilet.
  • Doing pretty much anything on a boat.
  • Looking into a bucket.
  • Riding a Jet Ski.
  • Trying a fancy dive to impress girls at a pool party.
  • Plumbing.
  • Playing on a Slip-N-Slide.
  • Washing cars in a sexy bikini.
  • Being in a museum when someone turns on the sprinkler system.
  • Drinking a cup of water.
  • Playing in a fire hydrant.
  • Being Richard Moll and standing out in the rain.

And if you do watch the film later, please remember this cautionary tale:

Don't let the tragic circumstance be you.

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