'Empire' Recap: Cookie's Family Affair

Bryshere Gray as Hakeem, Jussie Smollett as Jamal, Taraji P. Henson as Cookie, and Terrence Howard as Lucious
Bryshere Gray as Hakeem, Jussie Smollett as Jamal, Taraji P. Henson as Cookie, and Terrence Howard as Lucious

When TV dramas were first invented (The '80s? The '90s? Who knows, I'm not a TV professor, guys) they usually just hinted at pay-offs that wouldn't happen until much later, like during season finales or, worse, series finales. Mulder and Scully didn't hook up until, what, Season 8 (and off-camera!) and Veronica Mars sure did take her sweet-ass time avenging her various friends' murders and sexual assaults. Back then, writers just seemed reluctant to dole out too many reveals too soon, but that's old world thinking at this point. We're in a new world, a world where Taraji P. Henson models fur coats and shuts down trifling haters every week and it's a ratings sensation. Among the many things it does right, Empire hints at developments and then DELIVERS. After only eight episodes, this show has already capitalized upon whatever story-beats it had hinted at from the start, and this week marked a huge pay-off to something we'd been hoping for ever since the show began: A FAMILY GROUP PERFORMANCE.

Friends, almost nothing has made me as happy as seeing the Lyon clan in that recording booth this week. Finally, you know? Sure, there were other huge pay-offs in "The Lyon's Roar" as well: Jamal finally came out; Andre's in full mental breakdown mode; Cookie and Lucious's romance was rekindled (and then ended!); and Hakeem behaved like a decent human being this week. Broken record time: This episode was terrific. Again. Like always, sure, but even better than usual somehow.

Let's talk about it!

We began with a flashback wig. This was the day Cookie found out she'd been found guilty and would be going to the slammer (which is another word for prison, just FYI). Two things: 1) This was what she wore to court: a white full-length fur, a cheetah-skin mock turtleneck (or possibly catsuit), T-Boz wig, and tons of gold jewelry. Frankly I have no idea how the jury could have ever found her guilty, but that's our corrupt American justice system at work, I guess. And 2) the whole thing was surprisingly heartbreaking. She had to tell her children goodbye, and Lucious tried to reassure her by singing her a really sweet lullaby he'd written for her called "You Are Beautiful." I don't know about you, but I haven't felt emotions like this since my antenna was struck by lightning during a routine military experiment gone awry.

 

In modern times, it was the morning after Cookie and Lucious had gotten it on all night, and she was now fully dressed and fully dressing him down for still being engaged to Anika. Yes, they were sassing each other, but they were also really sweet. She admitted he was the only man she'd ever been with, and he admitted that he'd been with tons of ladies but had always been looking for Cookie in them. Romantic, kinda!

 

And then this happened:

That's right: A family recording sesh! As part of her promise to Lucious that she was the best lady for him, she intended to make him immortal by releasing a new version of that lullaby he'd once sung to her, and then re-release it, and then re-release that, forever. That strategy worked for "Candle in the Wind," and it would work for this too. Except, guess who noticed that he wasn't invited into the recording booth?

Yep, there was Andre, lurking in the shadows eating a potato. This was probably not going to end well.

 

This was probably not going to start well: Anika informed Lucious that she knew he'd slept with Cookie, but she'd be willing to forgive him if he agreed to MARRY HER RIGHT AWAY. It was an interesting tactic.

 

Speaking of interesting tactics, Andre decided to run for temporary CEO (or something) and needed to win over the board of directors. This meant that he and his wife would have to seduce a board member and her geriatric husband in order to secure the member's vote. That's right: A HIS-N-HERS DOUBLE SEDUCTION! And you better believe Rhonda was up for it. (She doesn't have a lot else going on in her life.)

 

Meanwhile, we got some good therapy breakthroughs in this episode. For example, Lucious forced Hakeem and Cookie to talk out their issues. See, sometimes all it takes to patch up a broken relationship is 45 seconds of heartfelt sass-talk. These two were already on the road to recovery.

 

For some reason Lucious hired a documentary filmmaker to document this upcoming IPO situation, knowing full-well that a metric ton of drama (and illegal activity) was going down around him at any moment. Still, it meant that suddenly a sexy documentary filmmaker (are there any other kind?) was roaming around and flirting with Jamal.


(By the way, I love that one of Lucious's albums is titled "Return of the King." Who knew Lucious was such a J.R.R. Tolkien geek? A real Hobbit-head, that Lucious.) So yeah, the stud advised Jamal to man-up and come out already. Because honestly.

 

For a time it looked like Lucious was going to ignore Anika's ultimatum, especially when it became clear he was still totally smitten with Cookie. Like in this scene, he even faked an ALS flare-up just so he could hug-attack her. Also she slapped him in the face for leaving her dangling in the wind for 17 years, but just between you and me, he did not mind being slapped by Cookie! Nobody would, if we're being honest. Anyway, these two are pretty cute together. But still: Cookie made it clear she did not want to go further with him until he'd broken things off with Anika: "You want Cookie's nookie, ditch the bitch." Fair enough!

 

Uh, then this scene happened. Easily the most high-hilarious scene of the show so far, it involved Rhonda describing Stephen Hawking as someone who rides "the short bus" and also an old man on a Rascal trying to get her into bed.

But it culminated when she chugged her glass of wine and then a butler made the mistake of offering her beef stroganoff (!):

That's when Rhonda puked on her side salad! Anyway, not a great dinner. Major seduction fail.

 

Man, this was a really sweet scene in which Jamal bonded with his daughter. (Everybody on the show seems pretty confident that this girl is in fact his daughter, no DNA test necessary.) First of all, look at her bedroom! A majority of us will die having never lived in a residence this big or nice. But also when he and she sang "A Lion Sleeps Tonight" to each other? Heart fireworks. So adorable. (Anybody seen Raven-Symoné lately? She OK?)

 

Andre's bid to become temporary CEO did not go great. It came down to a single tie-breaking vote, and guess who voted against him? Lucious! Apparently he'd gotten wind that Andre was up to no good behind the scenes, so he put his foot down. I don't mean to shock you, but this means there is now DRAMA going on in this family.

 

And then White Party happened. Putting aside the fact that there is already a notorious, gay-themed event by the same name every year in Palm Springs, this White Party actually seemed pretty great? Everyone wore ornate, brocaded white outfits like a sort of color-drained Eyes Wide Shut scenario, and many of the guests seemed to be paired off in mother-son couples, like a high-class Motherboy event. It was here that Naomi Campbell and Cookie FINALLY squared off in a pretty epic verbal confrontation.


Should go without saying that Naomi Campbell's character is now forever called Yoko. Secondly, this disagreement probably re-strained the Hakeem-Cookie relationship. Still though: Cookie won for sure. And considering her adversary was Naomi Campbell that's saying something.

 

A couple of other drama-nuggets were dipped in hot sauce, like when Andre spite-chugged a glass of champagne even after Rhonda warned him it would cancel out his meds. But especially this moment, in which Jamal got Lucious's permission to debut their family song, but then he changed the lyrics:

Yep! Suddenly "You Are Beautiful" was now an ode to manlove. As you can imagine, different people dealt with this revelation differently:




But despite Lucious immediately having flashbacks to the time he threw Jamal in the trash can, the crowd loved it and everyone seemed pretty excited for Jamal. Victory! This was honestly a great and powerful scene. Genuinely triumphant.

 

The next day, Jamal's coming-out was all over the news, but would you be surprised to learn that Lucious was even madder at a different son?

(Please note anger-fedora and framed picture of Oprah.)

Yeah, Lucious was finally READING Andre, and it surprisingly had a lot to do with the fact that Andre had married a white woman. That Andre is musically untalented also seemed to be a factor. But the main idea was that Lucious and Andre were now AT WAR. And considering Andre had helped Lucious cover up a murder, that was probably not a great tactic on Lucious's part.

 

Even though Hakeem and Jamal's relationship had been less than stellar lately, it was undeniably touching to see the two brothers bond over Jamal's moment. It is honestly so powerful whenever these two get all brotherly lovey, you know? (Also, I love that Jamal put his neon crucifix in the kitchen. Where else would it go?)

 

This was scary. Just Andre chillin' in the recording booth, pulling the trigger on an unloaded handgun. Looks like his long-threatened mental breakdown has begun.

 

Also, Anika had decided to get a little more proactive about her villainy, as in this scene when she showed up at the rival label's offices (which appears to be a haunted hotel?) and removed her wedding ring before demanding to meet with Beretti. WHAT was she up to?

 

Yeah, see, Cookie was a proud mom this day. But despite the near-universal acceptance of Jamal's news, Lucious was NOT ready to be a decent dad about it.

He rejected Jamal once again, but this time declared that the whole family was garbage, effectively re-dumping Cookie and storming out like a true jerk. Hopefully this is temporary (Lucious tends to lose his temper sometimes) because I like it better when they're all on the same page and recording family songs together. But we'll see!

 

The episode ended on another sort-of-devastating moment, which began with Cookie picking up a family photograph. (Not that I could pay attention to the photograph, with that manicure and that jewelry.)

 

Turns out, that was the same picture she'd had in her jail cell all those years. And then, even more devastatingly, we learned she used to sing "You Are Beautiful" to herself to cheer herself up. So good. (SO good.)

Also, P.S., I am pretty sure Cookie was incarcerated in a haunted prison:

Look at that thing, it's like something out of a horror film! Truly hoping and praying for a flashback episode in which Cookie battles supernatural phantasms or something. I NEED to see Cookie bust a ghost.

From its bookending-flashbacks to its centerpiece party scene, and especially in its generously doled-out pay-offs, "The Lyon's Roar" was a thrilling and moving hour of Empire. It's frankly amazing how much this show can pack in, and this week's episode seemed particularly well-written (and performed, obviously). Things are happening, guys, and it seems like this show has no shortage of twists and drama to come. Empire is truly TV of the future.

What was YOUR favorite part of "The Lyon's Roar"?

Empire airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Fox.