Note: This was written by a Yahoo! contributor. Join the Yahoo! Contributor Network to start publishing your own articles.When I grow up, I want to be Ron Swanson. Granted, I'm 30 years old, and I should have already grown up at least half a decade ago, but that's neither here nor there. NBC's sitcom "Parks and Recreation" is home to the mustachioed man that never fails to deliver memorable lines of dialogue. He's brash, far too honest, and he hates the very governmental system he holds a position of power in. In other words, he is totally awesome.
"Parks and Recreation" is a break-out hit, thanks in no small part to the performance that Nick Offerman gives every week as the inimitable Ron Swanson. Here now are the 10 best quotes from Ron Swanson.
10. On His Goal for the Parks Department: "My dream is to have the park system privatized, and run for profit by corporations. Like Chuck E Cheese. They have an impeccable business model."
9. On Federal Funding of Local Municipalities: "There's a new wind blowing in Government, and I don't like it. All of a sudden there's all this Federal money coming in and Paul, the City Manager is telling us to build parks, start new community programs. It's horrifying."
8. On Foreign Cultures: "This is America. This is not China. You can't make her whip herself, you cannot make her wear a Hair Shirt."
7. On His Own Health: "I have a hernia. I've had it for a while, and I've been ignoring it successfully. But this morning I made the mistake of sneezing. But as long as I sit still and don't move my head or torso, I'm good. I got this."
6. His Feelings on Aesthetic Beauty: "I've established a scientifically perfect ten point scale of human beauty. Wendy is a 7.4 which is way too high for Tom who is a 3.8. 10 is tennis legend Steffi Graff."
5. Is it better to ask for forgiveness or permission? "I'd prefer if she'd ask me for my permission so I could say no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm."
4. Does he have any feelings for either of his two ex-wives (both who are named Tammy)? "On my death bed my final wish is the have both of my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them to go to Hell one last time. Would I get married again? Absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?"
3. His ringing endorsement of Snake Juice: "Hello! My name is Ron Swanson. In general I try never to speak with people, but I have been drinking this Snake Juice thing and it's damn good. You should but it."
2. The secret of his success: "I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable."
1. How much does he really love breakfast foods? "You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."
- Nick Offerman
- Parks and Recreation
- bacon and eggs
- this morning