Master griller Chris Harrison was also on hand (What? Did you think he just announced the final rose of the night for a living?), and he made short work of Des's short list.
Check out five of the most awkward moments from the "Men Tell All" episode.
What about Brian?
Yes, you can get skewered on the "Men Tell All" even if you're not there! Just ask Brian Jarosinski, the cad who came to court Des while on a one-sided "break" from his girlfriend. It wasn't a big shocker that he was a no-show for the MTA; Des wrote on her People blog that Jarosinski was "scared to show his face" at the reunion -- but it didn't stop Chris Harrison from talking smack about him behind his back.
"We invited Brian to be here tonight to face up to what he had done," the host with the most announced. "He chose not to. So we're gonna choose to talk about him."
And talk they did. Mikey called him "a coward," while Brandon declared, "You don't do that to a woman. Ever."
Of course, Brian's peeps told Wetpaint that his absence was work-related, so can't a worker bee get some good buzz? Not on this show, apparently!
Nothing like coming to a reunion show and being called out on your parenting skills. Yes, single dad Ben -- who charmed Des on opening night when he had his 4-year-old son, Brody, greet her out of the limo -- was called out by one of this season's early castoffs, Dan, for being an absentee dad who "just put in for child custody." And Dan should know, because Ben's son's mom sought him out in Vegas to give him the scoop!
Ben's response: "Get a phone -- let's call her!" But, for some reason, Chris Harrison didn't jump on that one. Probably because everyone knows the most reliable source is a bitter ex who tracks down reality stars in Vegas.
Te amo Juan Pablo
Juan Pablo had virtually no screen time this season, but it's never too late to plug a "Bachelor" contender: "He was the fan favorite we barely got to know, so let's get to know him now," Chris Harrison announced before devoting an entire segment to former soccer pro.
Cue up the "Te amo Juan Pablo" T-shirts!
But while Juan Pablo's tales of the hardships of dating "when you have a daughter" tugged at our heartstrings, Des wasn't having it. When the Venezuelan hunk asked her why he never got a one-on-one date, she said she had to choose her dates based on how she was feeling at the time. Clearly she was never feeling it with him, so we guess those kisses were just a consolation prize?
Is this the "Men Tell All" or an audition for "The Bachelor"?
Zak W. -- who made it all the way through the hometown dates before getting the boot from Des -- is still crazy in love. "Yeah, it won't go away," he told Chris Harrison. "You lose hope that it can happen, but it's there."
So what's the best way to mend a broken heart? Why not burst into song with the saddest country-tinged tune you can drum up? Because in addition to being "out on the rig" for six months out of the year, this lonely boy is a songwriter. Too bad Des could barely look at him as he crooned this sappy song. No matter. Zak W. is one step closer to being the next "Bachelor" star, if he can get a three-month leave from the oil rig, that is! "I would sign up in a heartbeat, and do it over and over and over," he said.
It was bad enough that James had to rehash that super secret limo conversation he had with Mikey -- you know, the one where they made a pact to party on boats with tall, rich women in Chicago once this silly "Bachelorette" gig was done?
Kasey called James out -- again -- for his "Bachelor" aspirations, while the 27-year-old sales rep had to sit through a taped piece of Drew calling him an "immature, shallow, materialistic, self-serving piece of s---."
But the most awkward part came when Chris Harrison polled Bachelor Nation: "Would you trust this guy to be 'The Bachelor'?"
A resounding nooooo… and one man's "Bachelor" dreams were forever shattered.
"The Bachelorette" Season 9 airs on Mondays at 8 PM on ABC.
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