Michael Moore vs. An Eloquent Troll

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Michael Moore vs. An Eloquent Troll
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Michael Moore vs. An Eloquent Troll

Today in celebrity gossip: The controversial documentary filmmaker got in a spat with a notorious critic, Kim and Kanye go on an expensive trip to Paris, and the Mary-Kate/Olivier snaps you never knew you needed. 

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Uh oh, Armond White strikes again! White, America's most eloquent troll/controversial film critic, reportedly heckled filmmaker Michael Moore at the recent New York Film Critics Circle Awards, after Moore had the temerity to speak ill of Catholics while presenting an award to How to Survive a Plague director David France. While talking about the film, a documentary about ACT UP and the AIDS awareness struggle of the '80s and early '90s which features The Atlantic's own Garance Franke-Ruta, Moore related some sort of anecdote about activists of the time stopping massess at St. Patrick's Cathedral, to which White and "a friend" reportedly responded "F-ck you!" and "Drop dead!" and "You liar!" So apparently White, who two years ago created a big stir at the same awards show, is now a Catholic or something? Or just defending Catholics? Moore was unfazed, and went on to say of the AIDS crisis, "those who would deify Reagan and Pope John Paul II are responsible for the deaths of thousands of people . . . because of their bigotry." Later White was heard saying that Moore "disparaged Catholics" and that he shouldn't have used his stage time to "present a personal political diatribe." Ha. There's some irony in Armond White criticizing people for out-of-place diatribes, but oh well. We are talking about Michael Moore here, who can be something of a troll himself. Though, Moore's convictions always seem at least mostly sincere. White, on the other hand, just likes to bark so people will turn their heads. Speaking of! White has released his infamous Better-Than List, his annual tear-down of conventional critical wisdom, in which he argues that Eddie Murphy's A Thousand Words was better than Argo, saying "Brian Robbins and Eddie Murphy dared the most personal Hollywood critique since Clifford Odets’ The Big Knife; Ben Affleck trivialized Hollywood accountability." Or, about why Ghost Rider - Spirit of Vengeance and Taken 2 were better than Zero Dark Thirty, "Neveldine-Taylor and Olivier Megaton revealed the post-9/11 zeitgeist in genre tropes, while Bigelow reduced the zeitgeist to an enigmatic comic strip, a 'mission accomplished' delusion." The problem there being that he's taking actual well-considered criticisms of the year's sacred cow movies and muddying them by throwing in this junk to compare it to. He can't resist lacing his contrarianism with little shock-'em jokes, and that's why so many people cannot take him seriously. Also because he yells things in support of the Catholic Church while someone is talking about the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. That certainly doesn't help. [Page Six]

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OK, back to the serious stuff. Expectant parents Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are currently in Paris, shopping at Lanvin and Celine, dining at L'Avenue (please watch this oddly mesmerizing video), in what is being called a "babymoon." Which I guess is a thing! Who knew? Everyone's going on babymoons, apparently. Not necessarily lavish ones like Kimye's, but it is something that's happening frequently enough that it's become a term. We should probably start calling all vacations something-moons. Just so unmarried or childless people don't feel left out. It makes a trip more meaningful, doesn't it? Me, I hope to go on a brokemoon sometime this year, which is a vacation prior to me being broke from said vacation. Brokemoon could also be the name of a James Bond movie, maybe. Let's discuss, Broccolis! [Us Weekly]

RELATED: Are Swift and Styles Really Over?

The story is that Harry Styles, One Directioner and until very recently main-squeeze of Taylor Swift, went, post-breakup, to a Brooklyn restaurant on Sunday and ate, among other things, some clams. TMZ's chosen headline? "Harry Styles Develops a Taste for Clam." Aha. What could that headline mean? In case you don't get the yuk-yuk, they then continue on: "If there's one thing Harry Styles didn't get enough of while dating Taylor Swift ... it's clam." Right. Cool joke, TMZ. But they are not done! "And how about this ... we're told it was Harry's first time trying clams in his entire life. Huh ..." So, interpret that as you will. Armond White will probably call this TMZ post the best writing of 2013, certainly better than some overrated junk by Joan Didion or something. Clam. Get it? Sigh. [TMZ]

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Meanwhile People magazine has a cover story about how everryyyyybody wants to date Ryan Gosling. Which might be true, but they go about it in a strange way. While illustrating how Gosling and current gf Eva Mendes have a good relationship, they quote a source saying that the two "get along so well because she's not needy or smothering." Mmhm. Take note, girls! Be careful not to want or expect things or be too affectionate in your relationships, because if you aren't, Ryan Gosling won't date you. Gosling, meanwhile, is praised for being "in touch with his childlike side" and "just kooky." Seems Mendes gets notes for not being things, while Gosling gets the opposite. Funny how that works. Again, sigh. (Sorry! This is apparently the Cranky Set today.) [People]

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George Clooney and his lady friend Stacy Keibler will soon be starring alongside their friends Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber in a "one-minute flick" (read: commercial) for Casamigos, a tequila brand created by Clooney and Gerber. Shot at "one of Clooney’s homes," the ad, excuse me "mini-movie," apparently "involves the stars hopping into bed in various odd couplings," and is "loosely based on a true story." Oh. Ew. Anyway, this is all part of some grand tour that Clooney and Gerber are embarking on to promote the tequila, a concoction they whipped up with a distiller after they both bought houses in Mexico and decided they wanted to have their own house tequila. You know, normal stuff like that. We'll be intrigued to see this tiny film if it's ever released to the general public, and will be eager to see if it wins any Clios. Though, no, wait, it wouldn't win any Clios because it's not a commercial. It's just a very short movie. A very short movie meant to sell tequila. Big difference between that and just a regular old tequila ad. Can't you see the difference? [Page Six]

Oh man. In general, yes, invasive paparazzi snaps are bad, but when they are of tiny Mary-Kate Olsen and her huge boyfriend (lover? I think he is actually her lover -- when it's a French adult, it's a lover) Olivier Sarkozy, brother of Nicolas, and she is crankin' butts and he is wearing what could only be described as a cape, you just have to look at them. I mean look at them. Look at these pictures. Has there ever been a more delightfully strange couple? And is that an engagement ring on Olsen's finger? They were said to be jewelry shopping while in Paris... So who knows, could be. But mostly, look at that cape. And look at this caption: "Protective: The 42-year-old leaned over to kiss the 26-year-old's head." It's just too much. It's too wonderful. It's all terrific. Keep on keepin' on, you crazy diamonds. The world needs this right now. [Daily Mail]

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