‘Modern Family’ recap, review: Valentine's Day is full of hard knocks in ‘Heart Broken’

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No modern day TV show does holidays (or birthdays or baptisms!) like "Modern Family." The top-rated sitcom has taken on yet another holiday -- this time Valentine's Day -- and that means the return of Phil and Claire's amorous alter egos Clive Bixby and Juliana in the episode "Heart Broken."

My bloody valentine

Clive's (Ty Burrell) attempt to bring sexy back is foiled when Juliana (Julie Bowen) passes out at a bar, and it's no joke. Juliana/Claire lands in the hospital, and it turns out she has a minor, hereditary "heart thing," but once at home, she's eager to return to role playing. Not so much for Phil, who blames himself for Claire's episode. "I think I may have been being too sexy," he says.

To add insult to injury, his massive bloody nose ruins their post-ER romp.

"Oh my God, your heart exploded!" he shouts at Claire, before realizing it's his blood spewing all over the bedroom. Yeah, yuck.

Baby love

A six-week postpartum Gloria (Sofia Vergara) is also in the mood for some Valentine's Day lovin' with hubby Jay (Ed O'Neill). But baby Joe and granddaughter Lily are in the way -- so is the baby proofing guy.

As her annoyed husband attempts to speed things along by helping the baby proofer install a gate, Gloria purrs: "I know a lot of people think I'm attracted to Jay because of his mind. But they're wrong. I'm attracted to him because he's sexy. The suit. The carrying of the boxes. The yelling on the phone. And the drilling. So much drilling."

Perhaps his sexiest trait? He's worried about his kids: Claire after her health scare, and stepson Manny (Rico Rodriguez), who was suspiciously invited to a party by the cool kids. Jay is sure that Manny is being set up for humiliation, especially when the teen reveals that his secret admirer told him to wear a hat with a feather in it. ("Which one?" Manny asked, because he has several.) A concerned Jay also calls Claire and offers to go to her next doctor's appointment with her.

Three's company

Meanwhile, Cam and Mitchell (Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson) throw a Lonely Heart's party for their single friends, but the usually low-key Mitch ends up getting blitzed. The aftermath includes a dyed-pink cat, a living room full of the neighbors' Christmas decorations, and a new roommate: Haley's out-of-it boyfriend, Dylan (Reid Ewing).

Mitch contends he was just tipsy ("Tipsy? You were like all of the 'Mad Men,'" Cam quips), but he definitely can't remember inviting Dylan to live with them. Probably because it was Cam who did the inviting. Shhhh….

Either way, who can kick out a kid who makes soups and cleans up the house -- including said Christmas decorations? (OK, so he installed the reindeer on the wrong neighbors' roof, but it's the thought that counts.) Turns out Lily can, and even Dylan agrees he needs to put on his big-boy pants and move back home with his mom.

In the end, this endearing yet decidedly unromantic episode gets to the heart of the family matters and is best summed up by Manny, who declares: "Happy Valentine's Day! It's the one day of the year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck, world."

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