The Westeros Burn Book: 14 Epic 'Game of Thrones' Insults

"Game of Thrones" is basically "Mean Girls" with beheadings.

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"Game of Thrones" - "Second Sons"
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Peter Dinklage and Sophie Turner in the "Game of Thrones" episode, "Second Sons."

There are enough put-downs and snappy comebacks in "Game of Thrones" to make Don Rickles give up his Vegas act and retire. Here are some of our favorites.

Cersei Lannister: You know that you're not half as clever as you think.
Tyrion Lannister: That still makes me twice as clever as you.

This is probably the truest thing that has ever been said on television. If Westeros had a Joan Rivers "Fashion Police," Tyrion would be a one-man writing staff.

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Khal Drogo: The beetles will feed on your eyes. The worms will crawl through your lungs. The rain will fall on your rotting skin... until nothing is left of you but bones.

The Dothraki have a great facility with cutting words. Sorry, did we say "words"? We meant "swords." Cutting swords. They're awful with words. But they do get their point across. (This material kills at bloodrider roasts.)

Tyrion Lannister (to Cersei): You love your children. That is your one redeeming quality. That, and your cheekbones.

WANTED: queen regent of a continent-sized kingdom. Economic whiz, ruthless military strategist, diplomatic skills a plus. Will settle for loyalty to own offspring and cheekbones that could cut glass.

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Cersei Lannister: It's all fallen on me...
Tyrion Lannister: As has Jaime repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.

You'd think your own brother, at least, would refrain from making incest jokes at your expense. Not in Westeros, sister!

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Cersei Lannister (to Margaery Tyrell): If you ever call me sister again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep.

Oh, right — she *hates* being called sister. Cersei's gift is being able to say the most horrible things in the sweetest tone of voice.

Cersei Lannister: I'm afraid these fine ladies are in for a bit of a rape.

Cersei is a cunning and dangerous viper. Cersei plus wine is a drunken sailor set loose on shore leave. Cersei plus wine and a room full of terrified girls? Magic.

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Tyrion Lannister: We have our differences, Jaime and I. He is braver; I am better-looking.

At one point, this was spoken sarcastically. After Season 3, it's practically a dead heat in the looks department.

Tyrion: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.

You know what your mom told you about sticks and stones and words never hurting you? Turns out, when those words are accompanied by exile to the wall, it *does* sting a bit.

[Photos: All the Burning Questions We Have for Next Season of 'Game of Thrones'

Tyrion: It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head.

Tyrion says a lot of terrible things about Joffrey; it's the only thing stopping us from putting a brick through the TV every time that kid's on screen. The best thing the Internet ever did was put together a ten-minute montage of Tyrion slapping Joffrey to the tune of Zeppelin's "Achilles' Last Stand."

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Jaime Lannister: Has anyone ever told you you're as boring as you are ugly?

Jaime says this to Brienne, but really, they can't live without each other. It's like David and Maddie from "Moonlighting," or Ross and Rachel from "Friends," or Jim and Dwight from "The Office" — they were meant for each other.

Sansa Stark: Loras likes green and gold brocade.
Shae: I bet he does.

Nothing wrong with being gay. Unless, you know, your claim to the throne depends on you making babies. Between the bastards, imps, children by incest, and pregnant ladies being murdered, you stand a better chance of hatching a dragon egg than having a normal kid in Westeros.

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Bronn (introducing two knights): Ser Teryn Mant and Ser Whozit of Who Cares.

This is the longest string of words without a reference to genitals that Bronn has put together in three seasons.

Bronn: We can throw books at him.

A sellsword's opinion of the strategic planning before Blackwater. Tyrion can cut through BS, but Bronn uses a high-pressure fire hose.

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Jaqen: A girl lacks honor.
Arya: [shrugs]

The Starks are almost as bad at witty comebacks as the Dothraki, but who needs words when you have body language? This shrug, after turning assassin Jaqen H'ghar's generosity into a threat on his life, is worth a thousand snarky Internet jokes.

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