True Blood Recap: If At First You Don't Succeed…

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True Blood Scoop: Alexander Skarsgard's Season 7 Fate Revealed! Plus — EP Talks That Nude Scene, Bill-Sookie-Alcide Triangle and More
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True Blood Scoop: Alexander Skarsgard's Season 7 Fate Revealed! Plus — EP Talks That Nude Scene, Bill-Sookie-Alcide …

It wouldn’t be an episode of True Blood if there wasn’t somebody trying to kill Sookie. So the surprise in this week’s outing, “F— the Pain Away” (“Flap the Pain Away”? Huh?), isn’t that our heroine’s life is in jeopardy but who puts it in jeopardy. Of course, since this is a recap, not a preview, even that surprise probably won’t exactly shock you. But let’s pretend you don’t already know the identity of the fairy’s attacker and run through the hour’s highlights, anyway, shall we?

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FAMILY REUNION | Picking up from last week, Sookie is so sure that Ben/Warlow (Barlow?) is lying when he says that he did in her parents because they were trying to do her in that she zaps him — at which point his maker, Billith, becomes aware of his presence in this dimension and spirits him away to supply the fae blood that he’ll no longer be getting from Andy’s ill-fated daughters (more on them after I catch my breath from writing this monster of a sentence — whew!). Later, Sookie enlists Lafayette to hold a séance during which she can ask her folks, “Um, you guys didn’t attempt to murder me when I was a little girl — gulp — did you?” Turns out, Barlow was on the up-’n’-up: Not only did Sookie’s father plan to drive her off a bridge all those years ago, but when he takes possession of Lafayette in present day, he sets out to drown her yet again! (Where’s one of those high-powered fairy fireballs when a girl needs it?!)

HELL’S BELLE | When the Governor refuses to replace Willa by starting a family with Sarah, she’s livid. Heck, he won’t even shtup her, and as everyone knows — and she’s quick to remind him — “When a woman comes to you in black lingerie, you unwrap her!” So, both hot and bothered, she runs to Jason and informs him that “God wants me to f— you.” (Again with the “flapping”!) No sooner have they finished up than in comes Jessica, high as a kite after eating Andy’s kids. But Jason doesn’t get the kinda supernatural threesome that Alcide so recently enjoyed. The gals just have a mini-catfight, then Sarah has Jessica arrested and carted off to the lab. Afterward, Jason — apparently, all he really needed was a good shtupping to clear his head — decides to join the LAVTF (Louisiana Vampire Task Force).

BABES BEHIND BARS | After voluntarily being taken to fanger prison/the Lab of Doom so as to pursue the previously apprehended Pam, Eric is forced to play a game that makes grade-school dodgeball seem merciful by comparison, and Tara (along with Jessica) winds up indebted to the bitch of the cell block. Elsewhere in lockdown, Pam agrees to get her head shrunk in exchange for a “hot” meal. But all of that pales in comparison to the stunt that Sarah pulls in order to get back in the Governor’s good graces following their tiff: Off Steve’s intel, she arranges for Eric and Pam to fight… to the true death! (Why couldn’t it be Eric vs. Nora? At least then I’d know who to root for!)

WILD KINGDOM | While Nicole continues to make Sam and Emma’s dire situation all — and I do mean all — about her, Alcide has a falling out with his dad, who — what are the chances?! — winds up spotting the fugitives that the wolf pack is after. Back in Bon Temps, Andy manages to revive one — but, sadly, only one — of his daughters using his stash of V at the police station. And Terry, poor Terry… he’s so wracked with guilt over having had to kill Patrick (who?) that he asks an old Marine buddy to put a bullet between his eyes. Even worse, the sharpshooter agrees to do it!

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Personally, I loved the name of the wolf bar — The Unfriendly Possum! And it was great to see onetime Kindred: The Embraced blood-sucker Stacy Haiduk as the unhelpful hooker. But the flashbacks to Barlow’s origins appeared to have been filmed in the Land of Bad Wigs. And hasn’t Nicole become twice as irksome as Nora ever was in approximately half the time? That’s saying something — and not something good! Hit the comments.


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